Sam Went To Scotland (And Became A Tourist Attraction)

During my MFA program, I studied abroad in Scotland during the summer of 2017. I had never been out of the country and was ready to learn about the Scottish culture, rich history, climb an extinct volcano to Arthur’s Seat and basically be a tourist while exploring the castles and haunted dungeons. I was fortunateContinue reading “Sam Went To Scotland (And Became A Tourist Attraction)”

The Drug Test

I’m pretty terrified of the idea of using illegal and controlled substances. Call me boring. Call me straight-edge. Call me whatever. But my brain is a frightening place as it is, so I really don’t want to see what drugs will do to that hot mess. The only time I’ve ever taken a controlled substanceContinue reading “The Drug Test”

Wisdom Teeth Don’t Deserve Their Name

It’s kind of like a right of passage – like doing taxes or sitting at the DMV for five hours on a Saturday. Once you find yourself wasting a perfectly good day off doing something less interesting than watching your nails grow, you’re basically a real adult. Congratulations. Well, after getting your wisdom teeth rippedContinue reading “Wisdom Teeth Don’t Deserve Their Name”

The Cyst-er: Emma’s Wrath

We last left my pal Rebecca cyst-er-less. Her future looked bright. She was back to being an only child – at least, she hoped. Although trembling from fear and adrenaline after the extraction, she was ready to shed her “hospital” gown and pull on her flannel shirt (which took a solid five minutes, thanks toContinue reading “The Cyst-er: Emma’s Wrath”

GRAINS

            I’m one of those lucky people who doesn’t have to worry about her weight – if I even look at a treadmill, I lose ten pounds.  My friends resented me for it and although they always saw the massive amounts of food I’d cram into my mouth, they’d tell me I was anorexic.             Continue reading “GRAINS”

Cats and Christmas

In honor of Christmas Eve, I pose this thought: How many ornaments have fallen to their deaths, thanks to our furry feline friends? Notice dogs aren’t necessarily drawn to destroy the glittery objects. Cats are up to something. And I want to figure out what it is exactly. Whether they’re kittens experiencing the holidays forContinue reading “Cats and Christmas”

Can’t Live Without Them

Sometimes I feel like this is an even bigger controversy than politics. I’ve even seen this debate ruin friendships, chisel through relationships, and chop down family trees. We’re pretty passionate groups of people, I know. But why must our opinions create such wedges between us? Why can’t we just accept that some of us areContinue reading “Can’t Live Without Them”

Oh Florida: Gators

I’m used to having Bambie and Thumper running around my yard. Maybe having the occasional wild turkey teasing us by making an appearance on our deck the week before Thanksgiving. What I’m not used to are the gators chilling in our pond and the birds that can practically eat me whole. See, it goes withoutContinue reading “Oh Florida: Gators”

Retired from Retail

For the first three years of my Florida existence, I worked at a well-known store in the mall. Now, when I say that everyone should at least work one full year in retail, I mean it. You can tell who’s suffered through the slobs, the entitled teens (mostly, I’m looking at you, adults), and germ-infestedContinue reading “Retired from Retail”