Pee and The Plastic: Bribes Don’t Last

A while back, I wrote about Maggie’s little peeing problem – and how my mother began to bribe her to use the litter box. Well – bribes don’t last.

That’s right. She struck again – this time, it was in her beloved circle bed. The one that sits on the table where I work when able to be remote.

Cute, right?

Luckily, the pee was no match for the plastic that had been left on the circle bed for that every reason. The bed and her blanket were, of course, washed.

An Umbrella Would Not Save You

She’s got attitude. She’s got a big personality. She’s got spunk. She’s got a pretty damn healthy bladder. When she goes, she goes. Niagara Falls has nothing on her. TMI? Be grateful you don’t have to witness the second coming of the Great Floods. Build your arks now – there’s no telling when she’ll let this loose again.

But, really, how can a ten-pound cat have so much pee sloshing around in there? And don’t get me started on the size of her turds.

TMI yet?

A New Bribe?

It’s clear that treats are no longer enough. Now, she demands treats, cheese, and a native Floridian’s second born child – that last one is only once a month, though.

And heaven help us if we don’t choose the correct treat flavor.

I Thought I Was Done For

A couple of days ago, I caught her going for a lizard that had found its wat into the lanai. To try to help the little thing have a fighting chance against the wee, bed-wetting feline (and to ensure Maggie didn’t ingest the thing), I rescued it.

If looks could kill. For the rest of the day, those huge, green saucers dared me to defy her again – and take away her next new toy. I know now that if I were do do that again, she would do me in. Either Sweeney Todd-style with a nail to the neck, or by suffocation with the noxious gas from her turds.

Sweeney Todd

So, please, if you don’t hear from me in a month, know that I went down trying to save a life of some innocent little cold-blooded creature. Or picked up the wrong cheese (she likes smoked provolone).

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